From flawed self-perception to understanding

Let’s talk about my old friend, the inferiority complex. The one that often gets a bad rap but has actually been a bit of a secret helper for me. My own personal brand of perceived inadequacy has actually opened doors to some of the most profound human connections and meaningful conversations. While feelings of inadequacy or being lesser than others may seem undesirable, they can cultivate a profound sense of humility, curiosity, empathy and appreciation for the inherent worth of others.

For far too long, I operated under the belief that virtually everyone I met was more interesting, talented, intelligent – just generally “cooler” than my modest self. Was it true from my skewed perspective at the time? Well, maybe. But that’s really beside the point. This perception became the catalyst for a lifelong habit of People Watching.

This mindset pushed me to seek out the remarkable, positive qualities buried within each person I encountered. I was deeply curious, fascinated, and inspired by their stories, thoughts, hopes and convictions. I wanted to understand how these seemingly superior beings ticked. What fueled their passions? What were their hopes, struggles, and driving forces? People sensed that genuine interest and openness, and it gave them the safety to truly open up to me.

I’ve had the profound honor of becoming a confidant for an eccentric cast of human beings from all walks of life because of this. Turns out those clever mirror neurons play a big role in encouraging vulnerability when people feel accepted without judgment.

Through these kaleidoscopic windows into different lives, I’ve gleaned precious insights about our shared struggles with sorrow, courage in the face of adversity, the depths of love and loss, the inner demons that haunt, and those dreams that propel us forward. It’s astounding how different yet recognizably similar we all are in our fundamental yearnings to feel seen, heard, understood and accepted for who we truly are.

I’ve been let in on how the tragic lack of those basic needs can utterly decimate some, yet galvanize others into becoming the change they desperately want to see in this world. I’ve witnessed firsthand the intricately woven coping armors we craft to mask our vulnerabilities, while still hopelessly craving genuine connection and affection.

These days, when I meet someone new, I make a little game of imagining: “This person is deeply loved by someone, they are cherished, flaws and all, hopefully even if they can’t quite believe it yet themselves.” That mental exercise helps me look past the surface to find their inherent lovability and worth.

The ability to hold space for others’ authentic selves in this way eventually helped me embrace my own. Slowly, almost involuntarily, I’m learning to turn that soul-baring mirror inwards and make peace with my own blemishes, both internal and external.

Probably more frequently than I’d like to admit, my inferiority complex can rear its annoying head and pummel me with utterly useless self-criticism when I let the ego take the wheel. But here’s the thing, after years of hard-earned self-work, I’ve learned not to get completely derailed by that unpleasant little passenger. As long as I can recognize that negative tendency and not allow it to consume me completely, maintaining awareness of this tendency and embracing it with self-compassion can be transformative.

This is what fuels my desire to ensure that anyone who crosses paths with me gets the experience of being truly seen, heard and accepted for who they innately are. To endlessly indulge my genuine curiosity about the human condition in all its beautifully flawed glory. Because at the end of the day, we’re all heartbreakingly human and innately, imperfectly worthy of love.